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The Cold Hard Truth

Sometimes we live in denial of what is going on with us, other times we see what is going on but we don’t want to stop it or don’t know how to.  I let this happen to me, I just kept turning the other cheek and not caring, it was too much for me to look at myself, accept what was wrong with me and fix it.  In the beginning it was because my Fibro was getting worse and I wasn’t able to workout as often and I had no energy to make my own food anymore.  I found myself turning to fast and easy options for dinner which ended up being about 80% fast food.  I told myself as soon as I was done working full-time that I would start cooking at home again and get back on track.  Well, here we are a month later and I am still slowly gaining the weight back that I worked so hard to lose and I haven’t been trying very hard to change.

Way too much of this lately

Way too much of this lately

Well, here I am to commit to myself and my health again.  Having this extra weight on my is not helping with my chronic pain and fatigue.  Also, my lack of being active regularly is making the pain more frequent because moving more really does help alleviate some of the pain.  This time around I am not going to be following any diet plans or doing some crazy elimination diet like I have tried in the past.  Currently, I am just going to be focusing on making healthier decisions and learning to eat mindfully.  This means being aware of my hungry levels and really tuning into everything that I am eating.  I will be taking longer to enjoy my meals, I will be counting how many times I chew my food and I will make sure to check in with my brain between bites to assess my hunger signals.

I will be focusing on cooking more meals at home that are healthier but still full of great flavor.  I am not going to fret over the point values of my meals but that I am making recipes with healthier ingredients and that I am enjoying what I am eating.  I am also going to become more aware of my emotional eating.  I often eat worse on the days that I don’t feel well or that I am emotional for some reason.  That is when I turn to the pizza and ice cream, that is when I want to find comfort in that “delicious” food to help me feel better in that moment.  I admit that I am a big emotional eater and I even find that I have binge eating tendencies.  I will go hard on a diet and be really strict with myself and make sure I am doing everything right then a binge comes on and I just destroy the diet and every piece of food around me.  I would go as far to say I have an addiction to food, I love the way it tastes and find comfort in food.  I wish I could just look at food as something that fuels my body and nothing more, people that have this relationship with food are so blessed.

I'm going to need 20 pints of Ben and Jerry's....stat...

I’m going to need 20 pints of Ben and Jerry’s….stat…

I want to share with you all my progress through these new changes towards healthier eating and a healthier relationship with food.  I feel like making these changes are going to be the best option for me in the long run.  When I was on Weight Watchers one of the things that really got to me was that I was going to have to eat like that the rest of my life.  I was going to be tracking my food and the points and just analyzing every bite of food I consumed for the rest of my life.  That scared me and I think it also caused me to lash out and do the complete opposite because I felt so stuck.  Something like Weight Watchers for the rest of my life isn’t how I want to live, I don’t want to be having to calculate everything out and when it comes time to have a splurge I don’t want to have that guilty feeling anymore.  I want to be able to enjoy the foods I love without feeling guilty for going over points or feeling like I failed because I had ice cream for dessert one day when I should have had some alternative where you take fat free salad dressing and Splenda packets and end up with something that tastes just good as ice cream*.  No, I want to eat the real foods, the full sugar ice creams that I love.  I don’t need them every single day but when I have them I don’t want to be made to feel guilty for doing so.

Mindfully eating and exercising regularly is something that I can do the rest of my life.  That thought doesn’t scare me.  Being aware of what my body wants and giving it the fuel it needs is something I really look forward to becoming in touch with.  I am starting today, none of this I’ll start on Monday.  I am ready to go and I am ready to share some of the most personal things with all of you guys.  I have my measurements and pictures to show where I am at now.  You don’t have to look at them if you don’t want to see cellulite and fat rolls don’t scroll down.  But, I am done being ashamed of what I look like and where I am.  I am trying to learn to love myself no matter where I am at and luckily I have some great people around me that remind me that I am great no matter what I weigh or what the shape of my body is.

This frog loves me no matter what I look like

This frog loves me no matter what I look like

I will have an update blog every two weeks with progress pictures, measurements and just overall thoughts on how things are going.  I encourage all of you to reach out to me and ask questions or if you want to send me encouragement please do.  Also, stay in tune to my Instagram and Twitter to get daily updates on how things are going.  I will be doing meal photos, fitness posts and other random fun stuff.  Plus, I can be pretty funny so you can probably get a good laugh also.

*Note:  This is not a recipe, I do not recommend trying this, it would probably taste horrible.

Warning: Do not read below this line if you don’t want to see pictures of me in a sports bra and full coverage underwear.


So here we go, the Cold Hard Truth, the numbers.  I wrote these all down once and they became real, now they are about to come even more real as I share them with the whole internet.

Current Weight: 219.5 lbs     Body Fat %: 38.4%     BMI: 33.4 = Obese

Body Part Measurement (inches) Body Part Measurement (inches)
Chest 37″ Right Thigh 32
Bust 41″ Left Thigh 32
Waist 32″ Right Calf 18
Hips 45″ Left Calf 17.75
Right Arm 14.5
Left Arm 14.25

 

Front

Front

Side

Side

Back

Back

Other Side

Other Side

I try not to look at the faults in the photos above but it is so hard not to want to pick myself apart.  They are here so I can track my progress not only in numbers but also in physical proof that my body is changing.  I look forward to the next few weeks when changes start taking place.  It is time to get back to caring for myself and putting that gym membership back into use along with all those workout DVDs I invested in.

I appreciate you all for reading my rant and just being there for me through all these tough times.  Your love and support has helped me make it through the last few months of changes.

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